On August 19, 2009, _why the lucky stiff disappeared from the Internet. It was a sad day for Rubyists everywhere, but we all moved on, or at least, tried to. Then, on April 18th of this year, _why came back. His website became a printer spool, spitting out almost 100 pages of new, interesting stuff to read. A lot of people found what he wrote to be really confusing, though. In typical _why fashion, it was full of all kinds of weird, wonderful things... but how many Rubyists have really read Kafka? In this talk, I'll go through CLOSURE, explaining a few of how I read its more tricky parts, and show you what _why's final words mean for us as Rubyists.